Dear Cats and Dogs*

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats : The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...

***
From an email.

Dogs Chase Efficiently, But Cats Skulk Counterintuitively

Here's an interesting story about dog-cat differences from the Science Daily:

Dogs Chase Efficiently, But Cats Skulk Counterintuitively

ScienceDaily (Dec. 4, 2008) — A Duke University study suggests that evolution can behave as differently as dogs and cats. While the dogs depend on an energy-efficient style of four-footed running over long distances to catch their prey, cats seem to have evolved a profoundly inefficient gait, tailor-made to creep up on a mouse or bird in slow motion.

"It is usually assumed that efficiency is what matters in evolution," said Daniel Schmitt, a Duke associate professor of evolutionary anthropology. "We've found that's too simple a way of looking at evolution, because there are some animals that need to operate at high energy cost and low efficiency."

Namely cats.

In a report published online Nov. 26 in the research journal Public Library of Science (PLoS), Schmitt and two former Duke co-researchers followed up on a scientific hunch by measuring and videotaping how six housecats moved along a 6 yard-long runway in pursuit of food treats or feline toys.

Long-distance chase predators like dogs can reduce their muscular work needed to move forward by as much as 70 percent by allowing their body to rise and fall and exchanging potential and kinetic energy with each step. In contrast, the maximum for cats is about 37 percent and much lower than that in a stalking posture, the report found.

"An important implication of these results is the possibility of a tradeoff between stealthy walking and economy of locomotion," the three researchers wrote in PLoS. "These data show a previously unrecognized mechanical relationship in which crouched postures are associated with changes in footfall pattern, which are in turn related
to reduced mechanical energy recovery."

In other words, they found that when cats slink close to the ground they walk in a way that "the movements of their front and back ends cancel each other out," Schmitt said. While that's not good for energy efficiency "the total movement of their bodies is going to be even and they'll be flowing along," he added

"If they're creeping, they're going to put this foot down, and then that foot down and then that one in an even fashion. We think it has to do with stability and caution, Schmitt said."

Walking humans recover as much energy as dogs, said Schmitt, who studies gaits of various mammals. "Our centers of mass rise and fall when we walk. And when we do that, humans and other animals exchange potential and kinetic energy. It's an evolutionary miracle in my view.

"But cats need to creep up on their prey. Most scientists think that energetic efficiency is the currency of natural selection. Here we've shown that some animals make compromises when they have to choose between competing demands."

The study was supported by the National Science Foundation. Kristin Bishop, a former postdoctoral researcher at Duke, was the lead researcher and first author. Another author was Anita Pai, a former Duke undergraduate who is now a medical student at Vanderbilt University.

Duke University (2008, December 4). Dogs Chase Efficiently, But Cats Skulk Counterintuitively. ScienceDaily. Retrieved January 10, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com /releases/2008/12/081203184533.htm

Medical test

Because I want you to get checked out to make sure you're healthy and will be around longer...



Stare into the cat's eye's for ten seconds...




Then...



scroll down...



slowly...




Now... stare into the puppy's eyes for ten seconds...



and now...



... scroll down...






Your CAT SCAN and

LAB TESTS are now complete!



Sorry I couldn't resist!





*from an email sent by a friend :)

Plastic surgery for dogs?

We were away for a long time doing things and we sort of negleted Max's site. Now that we're back, I'd like to continue posting items about dogs. I was searching the net today for some cool dog stuffs when I stumbled upon this piece of news from my regular source of weird dog news and it's about dog face-lift. Apparently, a Brazilian pet plastic surgeon recommends a face-lift for a dog or even a mammary lift for sagging dugs after having babies. Now, is that weird or what?


A face-lift for a dog? Brazilian vet does it all
'Good symmetry is very important'

By MEI-LING HOPGOOD
COX NEWS SERVICE

SAO PAULO, Brazil -- Is Fido in need of a face-lift?

Go see Edgado Brito, who is advancing the practice of pet plastic surgery in a land with a worldwide reputation for making people beautiful by any means.

Brazilians have long been known for their penchant for cosmetic surgery, and Brito has been adapting those techniques for use on animals.

"Plastic surgery is good for dogs!" said Brito, 45, a Doberman breeder who has worked as a veterinarian for 20 years.

He can make protruding ears droop and uses Metacril to straighten bent ears. He uses Botox to fix inverted eyelashes. He has even tightened the mammillae of a couple of female dogs, whose owners wanted to show them after they had given birth.

Click here to continue.

How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Have you ever wondered what pets do when there is no one else in the house? Here's one:

Golden Retriever:The sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us and you're inside worrying about a light bulb?

Border Collie:
Just one!?! And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code!

Dachshund:
I can't even reach the stupid lamp!

Toy Poodle:
I'll just blow in the border collie's ear and he'll do it! By the time he's finished rewiring my house, my nails will be dry!

Rottweiler:
Go ahead. Make me!

Shi-tzu:
Puh-leese dah-ling, let the servants.......

Labrador:
Oh me, me, pleeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Irish Setter:
Huh?

Malamute:
Let the border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark......


Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture

Irish Wolfhound:
Can somebody else do it? I've got his hangover....

Mastiff:
Mastiff's are NOT afraid of the dark.

Basset Hound:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Chihuahua:
Yo quiero taco bulb.

Pointer:
I see it, there it is, it's right there...

Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd:
Put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Old English Sheepdog:
Light bulb? LIGHT BULB? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

German Shepherd:
Alright, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light? I SAID, "STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!"

Hound Dog:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!


Cat:
Pets do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the question is: How long will it be before I can expect light?



(Author Unknown)


***




Quite good, isn't it? You can get more pet dog jokes and stories at Carl's Rott'N Pages.

Picture sources:
Dachshund - http://www.dogslife.com.au/breeds?cid=7745&pid=145638
Alaskan Malamute - http://www.justdogbreeds.com/alaskan-malamute.html
Chihuahua - http://www.dog-breeds-explained.info/Chihuahua.html
Jack Russell Terrier - http://www.agilitybits.co.uk/breeds/jrt/jrt.html
Old English sheep dog - http://img467.imageshack.us/img467/5761/nikoncampics113zf3.jpg
Cat - http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2298/2288952155_f3f615ee1f.jpg?v=0

You may also click the picture and it leads you to the source.